Pump Blood to Your ♥️ First
This month I’m thinking about all your big hearts. And your big emotions.
In the world of executive and leadership development, here’s what I know: leaders who notice their reactions and practice emotional regulation lead best. It’s true.
This is because they don’t get high-jacked by the stories, assumptions, and judgments that often get attached to difficult emotions (like anger, fear and sadness). Their awareness and self-regulation create conditions in and around them for great leadership to happen.
If you’re not there yet, welcome to the human race! Most of us are with you. In fact, when things get challenging at work or we’re cut off in traffic or battling a defiant teenager, we instinctively look outside ourselves for who needs to be fixed, blamed or fought with. It’s how we’re wired.
But to lead and live well, we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. Put on our oxygen masks before we turn to others. Pump blood to our heart first.
Here’s the good news: skills of emotional intelligence are learnable and accessible. If you put a tiny bit of energy into this, your relationships at work and in life will benefit.
That’s because emotions are our superhuman intelligence. If we learn to notice them and attune ourselves to what they are truly signaling, rather than getting triggered by them and letting our reactions run amok, we’ll lead better and do better.
This month I’m sharing my favorite resources to take small, simple steps toward building emotional intelligence skills. Reading or listening to any of these for just 10 minutes a day will make a difference. I promise.
Whether you’re new to the concepts of emotional intelligence or you’re a Zen Monk, any of these are great places to start or ground your practice.
From the 10% Happier Podcast w/Dan Harris:
The Neuroscience of: Emotional Regulation, Relationships, Body Image & Intuition Three Lessons from Happiness Research
Books I love and lean on:
Difficult Conversations by Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone, and Sheila Heen
Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory
Non-violent Communications by Marshall Rosenberg
Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection & The Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown
Books I can’t wait to read next:
Chatter: The Voice in our Head, Why it Matters & How to Harness It by Ethan Kross
Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You also by Ethan Kross
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
For ALL my work and words, I rely on the thinking, research and resources of great coaches and leadership experts. Here are more of my go to faves:
The Coaching Habit, by Michael Bungay Stanier
The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, by Ken Blanchard
Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey
Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore
Anything by Dan Goleman, the father of Emotional Intelligence (podcasts, books & videos)